


Content Warnings

by manic_intent



Category: Deadpool (Movieverse)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Full spoilers, M/M, Post-Canon, That Post-Canon AU where Cable is broke so he has to move in with Wade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-23
Updated: 2018-05-23
Packaged: 2019-05-10 12:10:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,128
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14736725
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/manic_intent/pseuds/manic_intent
Summary: “What?” Cable had been on the couch hatewatching CNN. The apartment was even fully furnished. With nice furniture. Something was… off.“The landlady. I didn’t expect to pass the interview. Especially since you insisted on tagging along.”“You failed the other interviews you went for.”“Yeah well, it’s funny how people either don’t trust me when I wear a mask or think I’m contagious when I don't.”“You said you really liked this place. So I thought I’d help.” Cable kept glowering at the TV. “This is seriously what counts as a major news channel in your era? They’re just talking in circles about nothing.”





	Content Warnings

**Author's Note:**

  * For [midnightwriter](https://archiveofourown.org/users/midnightwriter/gifts).
  * Translation into 中文 available: [内容警告](https://archiveofourown.org/works/14841638) by [this_is_war](https://archiveofourown.org/users/this_is_war/pseuds/this_is_war)



> Prompt by longtimeliarmidnightwriter: Cable has no money or anything so he goes to live with Deadpool. That goes as well as expected. Domestic fluff and bickering.

The new place was nice. Weirdly nice. The rent was pretty affordable for New York, it was near a park, the ceiling didn’t leak, and during the interview Wade’s kindly new landlord had made no comment whatsoever about Wade’s face. Or Cable’s. Hadn’t even asked for a referral. Or a month’s rent up front. 

At least they could now move out of the motel, which was a bit of a relief. The fees had been burning a hole into Wade’s pocket. “Do you have a calming effect on old ladies or something?” Wade asked, as he unboxed the few things that had survived Wade’s attempt at permanent self-immolation. 

“What?” Cable had been on the couch hatewatching CNN. The apartment was even fully furnished. With nice furniture. Something was… off. 

“The landlady. I didn’t expect to pass the interview. Especially since you insisted on tagging along.”

“You failed the other interviews you went for.”

“Yeah well, it’s funny how people either don’t trust me when I wear a mask or think I’m contagious when I don't.” 

“You said you really liked this place. So I thought I’d help.” Cable kept glowering at the TV. “This is seriously what counts as a major news channel in your era? They’re just talking in circles about nothing.” 

“Yeah, well, this isn’t a primetime program. I’ve told you before, just tune in for Anderson Cooper. Only thing worth watching on CNN. Because he’s hot. Besides, you think this is bad? Try Fox News. Or maybe don’t try Fox. You’re kinda in their target demographic and I don’t want you to get more psychotic than you already are.”

“What demographic?” 

“You’re an old white guy. Hell, you’re so white, even your hair is white. Aaand you’re switching to Fox. Great.” Wade should never have taught Cable how to use the TV remote. “Don’t you guys have TV in the future?” 

“Not like this.” On the TV, angry old dudes were complaining about the Liberals being butthurt over the new President calling people animals. Classic Fox. “The hell is this? This is a news channel too?”

“Kinda think of it as an evil entertainment channel, honestly.” Wade stacked his surviving collection of Funko Pops lovingly on the bookshelf. The displaced books were stashed under the closest sink.

“Starting to see why the world went to hell.” 

“Yeah, well, no shooting up random news anchors. Just. Gimme that.” Wade grabbed the remote and switched the channel to National Geographic. “Ooh, look at that. Nice fishies. Nice coral. Very soothing. Makes you want to put your guns away and take up yoga, doesn’t it?” Why was Cable’s gun so big anyway? Was he overcompensating for something?

“No.”

Wade shook his head, sticking the remote in his belt. “Maybe the landlady had a scarred guy kink or something. I don’t see how you could’ve helped otherwise. Nobody would take a good look at you and think ‘Wow, model tenant!’ instead of ‘This guy is gonna kill some people and store their body parts in the fridge’.” 

Cable eyed Wade briefly over his shoulder. “I’m a telepath.” 

“Sorry to hear it. Sounds contagious.” 

_Means I can read minds, dipshit,_ Cable’s voice rumbled inside Wade’s head. 

“Wait, what? You never said!” Wade froze in the middle of loading his fossilised poptarts collection into the freezer. “You’re a mutant? Why are you mooching off me then? Instead of living it up in the X-Mansion with the X-Babes?” 

“You’re the one who offered,” Cable said mildly. 

“… Did you use your Jedi mind tricks on me?” Wade frowned at him. 

“No. Doesn’t work on people with healing factors. But yes. I nudged the landlady a little.” Cable turned back to the tv. “Me living in the Mansion might fuck up the timeline. So. Thanks.”

“Yeah, well, somebody had to keep an eye on you,” Wade muttered. After all the shit had gone down and they’d gotten tired of power-walking away from the orphanage and everyone else had gone home, Cable had just looked so… well… lost. He _had_ pretty much napalmed his one-way-ticket back home just to save Wade’s ass, after all. “And I sort of owed you? Even though I didn’t want you to do the thing?” Wade made a squiggly gesture over his wrist. 

“You don’t owe me. Other way around. You stopped me from making a serious mistake.”

“…Oh, I see what this is.” Wade scooted over to the couch, leaning his elbows over the back. “This is like Chewbacca and Han Solo.”

“Who?”

“You don’t have Star Wars in the future? Holy shit. I thought that series was never gonna ever end. That if someday the sun went supernova on our planet all our future descendants would die in a theatre while watching the Empire of the Return of the Very Last Jedi.” Wade took in a deep breath. “Chewbacca follows Han Solo around because he owes Han a life debt.”

Cable made a little _hmm_ sound and kept watching fishies swimming around on the tv. 

“And the analogy kinda fits, because my character feels a little bit derivative of Han Solo’s character, maybe, while you are totally like Chewbacca. Big gun, rawrr, anger issues. Maybe not as fuzzy, but you could work on that.” Wade leaned precariously over the edge of the couch so that he could stare into Cable’s face. “What else are you hiding from me?” 

“Hiding what?”

“We’re roommates now. I don’t want to be uncovering a new superpower every week. Unless you have a superpower that involves vacuuming.” 

“Telepathy, telekinesis. That’s it.”

“So why are you an Alpha-class mutant—” Wade checked his cliff notes, “—if you’re just an ugly version of Jean Grey? You don’t even have the Phoenix Force. Or… _do… you…?_ ” Wade narrowed his eyes.

Cable stared at Wade for a long moment. “I have no idea what the fuck you just said.” 

“Awesome. Keep it that way. I’m watching you, Phoebacca.”

#

Other than his inclination to hatewatch news channels, Cable spent most of his time quietly being a bum and surfing the internet. So when Wade came home partly singed one night to find Domino and Cable on the couch, he was, okay, a little bit annoyed. “Hey man, if you want to bring girls over to Netflix and chill, at least do it in your room and put a sock on the door.”

Domino rolled her eyes. “Calm your tits, Wilson. We’re just talking.” 

True. On closer inspection, everyone still had their clothes on. They’d been looking at something on a slim silver laptop that on even closer inspection was not porn, but some boring article about the Sahelian region’s desertification problem. Domino pointedly confiscated the laptop with one hand while shoving Wade’s face away with the other. 

“Okay, talking about what?” Wade asked suspiciously as he backed off. “By the way, I know you guys are the main canon ship, but this is totally not that kind of fic.” 

Domino jerked her chin in Cable’s direction. “Man wants to unfuck the world, I’m down for that. Could be interesting.” 

“Unfuck the world how? The white saviour thing is _really_ overdone nowadays,” Wade told Cable. “It’s gonna blow up in your face. The X-People will send me, Bishop, and Wolverine to kick your ass and I’ll end up having to shoot them in the back and everything will explode.” 

Cable snorted. “Talk later,” he told Domino. She nodded, flipped Wade the bird, and sauntered out. Once the door locked behind Domino, Cable closed the laptop. “In the next few decades the sixth mass extinction event will be complete. Climate change gets so bad that large parts of the world becomes unliveable. Melting ice and old lakes let loose ancient viruses. Most of the world’s population is gonna die off.” 

“And we’re going to change all that how exactly?” 

Cable stared at him. “You wanna help?” 

“Is there gonna be money in it?”

“Probably not.”

“Right. Then. No. _Some_ of us have to earn the rent.” 

“Suit yourself.” 

“Speaking of which, when are _you_ going to contribute to said rent? And the bills? And the groceries?” Wade ticked off the items on his fingers. 

“You want me to help you with your work?” Cable asked.

“Nope. I’m doing fine. By myself.” Bits of Wade’s gunshot-riddled costume gave up on life and fluttered towards the couch. “But if this is gonna be like that Matthew McConaughey thing where he overstays his welcome with his parents and I have to hire Sarah Jessica Parker to get you out? I’m pretty sure she isn’t going to talk to me.” 

Cable exhaled. “You don’t want me here, I’ll go.” 

“Chill, Phoebacca. Didn’t say that. I’m just pointing out, in the nicest possible way, that you’re a human leech.”

“I cook and keep the place clean,” Cable said. True. Cable was actually a pretty decent cook, for all that he looked like a hyper-carnivore. And he handled the laundry, which Wade sort of appreciated. “What else can I do you for?” 

“Your face,” Wade said, blinking slowly, “is kinda very close to mine right now.” 

Cable smirked. He was inches away, having gone up on a knee on the couch. “Yeah? What are you gonna do about it?”

“That’s just lazy writing. I _could_ headbutt you and break your nose,” Wade said, but he cautiously pulled his mask off instead. As he tossed the mask onto the couch, Cable tugged him over for a kiss and okay. If this was some sort of game of chicken it was _on_. Wade grabbed Cable’s shoulders and gave back as good as he got, licking into Cable’s mouth. This wasn’t so bad. Could maybe even be better.

Cable let out a low inquisitive sound. Oh. _Right_. Telepath. So Cable could read surface thoughts or something? Oh hell. Wade had a _lot_ of surface thoughts, all the time. Usually they weren’t remotely PG13. He felt Cable shake a little under his palms, as though stifling laughter. Ooh, he’d been listening in all this time? Shit. Well. If Cable ever ended up needing therapy it was his own damn fault. Hey, telepathy could be cool! The brain was the body’s biggest sex organ, right? Wade imagined getting bent over the back of the couch, watching Anderson Cooper’s show while being rawed by a nice, big, metallic dick—

Laughter ebbed out in the breaths they stole between kisses, then Cable was chuckling helplessly, sitting back. “Gonna disappoint you there,” he said, between chuckles.

“You just have a vanilla dong?” Wade pouted. 

Cable ignored the question. “You’re obsessed with Anderson Cooper.”

“Hey, I maybe have a fetish for literal silver foxes. Aaand it occurs to me that you’re actually way too well-acquainted with many of my fetishes by now.” If Cable had only said something _earlier_ , Wade would’ve maybe put a content warning on his common-area daydreams. Tried to keep it PG-15, maybe. 

“Some of them are pretty weird,” Cable said, “but who’m I to judge.”

“Liar, you’re totally judging me.” 

“…You have some really fucked up ideas about rubber ducks,” Cable conceded. As Wade opened his mouth to defend his rubber ducky fetish, Cable leaned over and caught Wade’s ear in his teeth, tugging playfully. “The thing you have about being sucked off on the kitchen counter? We could do that. Right now.” 

Scratch the content warning. This was going to be awesome.

#

Wade had never tried chocolate body paint with Vanessa, because she was one of those weird people who had a low sugar threshold. Cable turned the jar over in his hands in bemusement as Wade explained the concept. “So there’s actually so much food in this current timeline that you people use it for sex?” he asked.

“I have, in fact, done some really cool things with cucumbers. And a corncob, because of that one yaoi manga I once read out of sheer godsdamned curiosity but I can tell you, when kernels break off in your ass it is _not_ fun.” 

Cable pulled a long face. “Okay.” 

“Meaning no?” 

“Meaning fine.” He paused. “Not the corn.” Cable opened the jar and took a suspicious sniff. “What is this anyway?”

“The future doesn’t have _chocolate_?” 

“The future doesn’t have monoculture. A lot of the food you’re used to eating doesn’t exist any longer.” Cable reread the label, at which point Wade got tired of his roommate’s trust issues, slathered a gob of chocolate in his mouth with his fingers, and kissed Cable hard on the lips, shoving his tongue into Cable’s mouth. 

Cable froze up. He made a hoarse sound of disbelief, set the jar aside and twisted around, shoving Wade down on the bed and licking after the chocolate in his mouth. Wade twitched his hips up against Cable’s and grinned into the kiss as he felt Cable definitely stiffening up. 

“Like that, huh?” Wade purred. 

Cable caught his breath. “People would’ve killed for the taste of something like that in my time,” he said, which Wade took as a ‘yes’. Cable was _so_ dramatic.

“It’s not for you anyway, it’s for me. I wanna lick this part of you all over without making my brain think that I’m trying to wash a car engine with my tongue.” Wade stroked his palm over Cable’s metal arm with a dirty smirk. 

Cable sucked in a tight breath. “It’s gonna get everywhere.” 

“Yep! You can thank me later.” 

“Don’t know about that,” Cable began, only to go still as Wade smeared chocolate over the flesh-metal seam on his neck. His glowing eye brightened as Wade leaned up to slowly lick the chocolate off, and he groaned as Wade grinned and fed the taste to him in a kiss. “Shit,” Cable hissed when they parted. “I’m so gonna regret this later.” 

“Shut up and take your clothes off, Phoebacca.” 

Cable’s metal bits did taste somewhat more palatable with the copious application of chocolate paint. Wade was so going to use the whole jar. He couldn’t get diabetes anyway. Perks of a healing factor. Cable was making strangled little wounded sounds as Wade worked down to the metal chords of his upper arm, stroking his tongue over segments and joints. And Cable had gotten hard really quickly, his cock rubbing a wet stain over his belly. 

It was tempting to go for it, to get the now-familiar weight of Cable’s large dick over his tongue, but Wade stuck to the plan, nosing down to the curved silver plates of Cable’s lower arm, pressing his tongue into one of the metal dimples. Cable whined as Wade slathered chocolate over the coppery sinews that ran on the underside of his arm to his wrist, and Wade grinned sharply up at him. 

“How’s it going?” Wade asked. 

“Feels weird,” Cable said, rough and slurred. He squeezed his eyes briefly shut and jerked as Wade slowly licked the sinews clean.

“Want you to watch for this next bit,” Wade told him, pulling up Cable’s hand. He swiped the back of the lid of the jar with Cable’s thumb and sucked it slowly into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the seams, chasing the taste in the cracks. Cable’s eyes were wide, his breaths forced out in shallow panting gasps. Wade got as far as Cable’s ring finger when a snarl marked the end of Cable’s fraying patience. Shoved onto his back on the bed, Wade purred as Cable kissed him and fumbled for lube and condoms. 

Usually this bit took forever. Mrs. Cable had definitely overtrained her husband, in Wade’s respectful opinion. Cable was solicitous in bed and took godsdamned forever with prep but clearly chocolate had fucked with his programming. Fingers slicked Wade up roughly and all too soon, Cable was getting lined up, growling into Wade’s ear as he pushed inside. Gods, that gorgeous friction burn. Wade locked his heels against Cable’s back and shoved down against it, digging his nails down scar-marked skin. 

“Someone’s engine got revved to a hundred in record time,” Wade said smugly. “Talk about sweet, sweet acceleration. Sweet. Get it? Eh?” 

“Some days I seriously wish I didn’t find you this hot,” Cable shot back, the words strung between harsh and strangled groans. Wade laughed. He ground all the way down with a jerk and scraped his teeth against the metal segments on Cable’s neck, down to the knotted cords where his collarbone should’ve been. Cable whined and trembled and started to thrust, slowly at first, harder when Wade kicked a heel into the small of his back. _Yeah_. Better. 

“C’mon,” Wade hissed, bracing himself against the headboard. “Saw you throw people through a _wall_. You can do better than that. I can take it.”

“Something will break,” Cable said, though he shuddered under Wade’s touch and his hips jerked against Wade’s ass. 

“Just use your mind trick on the nice old landlady, tell her we’re building a modern art structure or something and _yeah_.” Wade sucked in a thin breath as Cable drove against him. “That’s better. C’mon. Put your back into it. More effort.” Wade yelped as something creaked ominously under him, the bed thumping loudly against the wall. Cable lifted his weight with his hands curled tight around Wade’s hips and hauled him roughly up onto his cock. _Finally_. 

The bedframe broke around when Wade’s brain-to-mouth filter malfunctioned, and Wade would’ve been more pissed off about the way Cable was smirking at him if he hadn’t been busy trying to breathe. Surely the neighbours could hear them. The whole block. He wailed as Cable just about bent him in two and somehow went into a new gear, nailing him at _just_ the right spot. Wade raked his fingers down Cable’s arms and just tried to hang on for the ride. Would’ve reached for himself if he could but he wasn’t even going to need it. Something cracked under Wade’s shoulder and he laughed, loud and savage and he was coming like it was an afterthought, smearing the mess between them. Cable ducked his head with a snarl and shoved in again, then again, and went still, trembling. 

As Wade’s brain began to regain normal function, he vaguely registered the loud knocking on the door. Wade prodded Cable weakly in the shoulder until he looked up, glanced over his shoulder, and concentrated. The knocking went away. “Whossat?” Wade asked. Whoop. Brain-to-mouth filter still on the fritz.

“Mrs. Kramer. The landlady,” Cable clarified, as Wade gave him a muzzy look. “Noise complaint.” 

“Well, that’s just too bad,” Wade said, running a finger through the mess on his stomach and popping it into his mouth. Cable went still, his eyes glued to Wade’s lips. 

“Yeah? Why’s that?”

Wade smirked. “‘Cos we still have half a jar left and your toes.”

**Author's Note:**

> twitter: manic_intent  
> tumblr: manic-intent.tumblr.com  
> \--  
> Conversation about uncovering a new superpower every week: from talking to @brodinsons on twitter


End file.
